Hiatus

i'm finding it hard to blog lately. no time. must be the holidays but as the boys become more active, i have fewer and fewer hours in the day to devote to this blog. so i think i'll be taking a little holiday break and hope to come back with more energy in the new year.

but there is another reason that i haven't been interested in blogging. newtown. this blog seems so ridiculous in light of what happened and right now i can't go on talking about paint colors and play room redos. my head's not in it.

we need to pay our respects to the victims, families, and even first responders of the sandy hook tragedy. tragedy sounds like such an understatement, such a "media" word. horror. that might be better. i guess it has taken becoming a parent but i feel so distraught over what happened and so connected to it at the same time. never before have i felt compelled to do something. to speak out. the other shootings have happened and i felt sick and wondered whether that kind of violence could ever come to my part of the world. but this has made me feel sicker. i think it's because i'm not worrying about myself. i'm worrying about my children. my little 11 month old boys who already spend time at a daycare. who are already out of my control. one of the victims, little noah pozner, was a twin. that hits hard. the what ifs start running through my head.

i also keep coming back to the same questions: why aren't we able to be more nimble in this country - why can't we make a change to gun laws this week?? why haven't we done it before? is it because we needed to feel the impact of 6 and 7 year olds being slaughtered? who needs military-grade semi automatic weapons as a regular citizen? why were they legalized in the first place? and why do we need to watch a political debate unfold on gun control before change happens? is that the price of a democratic nation?

i'm sure i'm over-simplyfing the issues but i'm afraid. i'm afraid for our country. i'm afraid to go outside. there are two pieces of me quickly growing up into little men who will be running around out there in the world. and i will protect them, as any parent would, with my life. thank you to the teachers that day who set the real example of what it is to be a hero. may we never forget.